Yesterday I caved and purchased a home pregnancy test from the supermarket. I wasn’t going to do it but the suspense was too over powering. I had cooked a special dinner for my husband and I thought it would be really awesome if I was able to ‘surprise’ him with some hopefully good news.
I’d purchased the cheapest hpt and had to thread a little floatation tube thru the test strip so it could float in the pottle of pee. It’s weird peeing into a pottle thinking the whole direction of our lives depends on this result. Time seemed to slow down as I impatiently waited for the ‘dadah’ moment. Nothing appeared… I waited a little longer and still only one distinct line. Strangely I didn’t breakdown and cry, I just thought ‘f***, what the flippin heck are we going to do now!’. I left the test strip on the bench as I pondered life and returned back to it about 10 minutes later.
Blow me down but if I squinted really hard and turned the test strip to the light this extremely faint second line had appeared. I couldn’t stop over analysing it. I’d put it down and would then get up to take another look. What does this mean? Is it too faint to be of relevance?, is it a chemical pregnancy? or am I pregnant?. At 9 days post 5 day transfer if one is pregnant shouldn’t the line be darker? I had done the test during the middle of the day when my wee was more diluted so maybe this was why it was so faint?
I returned to the supermarket to purchase another hpt so I could test the following morning when hopefully my pee content is a bit more concentrated with any lingering pregnancy hormone. Unfortunately I was spotted at the supermarket by some students from work so I couldn’t bring myself to purchase it.
I was starting to wish I hadn’t done this to myself as I really was none the wiser, just a hell of a lot more confused and anxious. My husband came home from work and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I wanted to be able to positively, ecstatically announce ‘I’m pregnant’ not ‘ err I might be but don’t really know’. I wanted him to still feel blissfully hopeful, like I had previously been feeling.
Unfortunately my over active brain woke me at 4am and I couldn’t get back to sleep thinking the worst. I didn’t want to go to work feeling grumpy and questioning if this attempt had failed again. I blurted out to my husband that I’d been naughty and tested early. He just lay there in silence for a very long time. I felt sad for him… for us. The thing is after 8 failed transfers (seven with my own eggs and one donor egg cycle) and nothing in the freezer we really don’t have much to fall back on. What more can we do?.
Anyhow I begged him to go back to the supermarket with strict instructions to buy the most expensive hpt in the shop. The wonderful man that he is, he walked back to the supermarket in the hail and sub Antarctic winds (as if he wasn’t being punished enough) while I anxiously waited and desperately held off peeing.
This morning I did my second hpt. Once again nothing appeared and after approx 3 minutes this happened..
There is no denying there is definitely a second line! Could this mean I might just possibly be P R E G N A N T!👋👋👋. I still can’t believe it but I am feeling more hopeful. Hold on tight peeps for the next post when I get my official blood test result tomorrow. Please, please let this be🙏